This is a local blog, for local people

You are here - www.itsnotpretty.com
Talk to me - inchy@REMOVETHISBITitsnotpretty.com

Meet my inner child - www.freewebs.com/restlessnatives

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

For the love of God, hang up!

I love shit films. Most of my DVD collection would be regarded by many as being shite of the highest order, but I love them. Films like Dune, Real Genius, and Legend, all of which bombed at the cinema, but in my little world have something redeeming about them. Unfortunately the film 'Cellular' won't be making it into my DVD collection despite meeting the shite criteria, and having William H. Macy, Jessica Biel, and Kim Basinger in it.
This film is beyond bad. It's just shit.
I shall explain.

Kim Basinger, who is just ridiculously sexy throughout, is kidnapped by the lump of mahogany that is Jason Statham and his merry band of thugs. Locked in an attic, she manages to make a smashed phone work, and instead of dialing 911, or the FBI, or even, I dunno, HER HUSBAND, she calls a number at random and gets through to random stranger Chris Evans of Human Torch/Fantastic 4 fame. What then takes place for the next 90 minutes or so is some of the worst acting/dialogue/plot that I have ever come across, and features product placement by Nokia and Porsche that even a blind man could spot. Young Chris, naturally, races to help poor Kim, and, as I'm sure we all would faced with a team of ruthless armed men, decides to 'have a go'.

Dear oh dear.

There's a fine line between 'shite' and 'cult'.

8 comments:

Steve said...

Could have been worse. She could have rung Chris Evans of Big Breakfast / TFI fame instead...

Inchy said...

I dunno, I think that might have actually improved it.

BPP said...

There's a good 'un (by that I mean utterly dreadful 'un) where Lou Diamond Phillips is the sheriff in a small town that gets attacked by giant bats. I forget the name (unless it's 'Bats'), but it's worth checking out for any fan of rubbish films.

Fun blog, by the way.

Ron, Apparently said...

bpp, the film you mention is indeed titled, imaginatively, "Bats".

Inchy said...

Thanks Ben.

It was indeed called 'Bats' and Lou played Sheriff Emmett Kimsey.

Well remembered.

My own personal favourite shit/cult film is 1974's 'Dark Star'.
I've watched this film maybe 20 times, and I still don't really know what the f*ck is going on. Magic.

FOUR DINNERS said...

Legend!!! Now yer talkin'. That birds bloody gorgeous dressed all in black. Forget her name.

Ron, Apparently said...

There is a redeeming quality in "Cellular" and that is the eminently stalkable Jessica Biel. Lets not forget that.

Inchy said...

Fair point Ron. I like your logic.