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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Schoolboy Error

"I'm just going to do the shopping tonight when you're at work" said The Demon.

We usually do the food shopping together and in person, not online like some lazy people I could, but won't, mention, but I'm back shift this week so can't be there.

"Ok" says I.

This was my first mistake. My second was not compiling a list of tasty foodstuffs for The Demon to purchase. As a result of my negligence we now have a fridge full of things like humus, feta cheese, and Quorn. I don't even know what Quorn is, no one does. I think it's the food equivalent of a bad cover version.
No steak, no smoked bacon, no pizzas, and she still managed to spend £140!
One is not amused.


Jaggy said...

The Demon has clearly made a fuck up of the highest order. Unforgivable in my book.

If however, you joined the growing trend of online shopping then you could have had your input into what foodstuffs will be making you tick for the next couple of weeks.

It's no use shunning the future Mr Inch, it's coming, you might as well climb on the (frontside)bus of technology and buy a ticket to Futureville.

I think you'll find it's not laziness, it's convenience. I gladly pay the Asda man £4.95 to do all my shopping as it saves me 2 boring hours of my life.

By the way, Asda delivery guys are a big user of mobile internet, they've got touchscreen PDAs to sign for your delivery.

Head in the sand.

Inchy said...

I put it to you Mr Jaggy, that should there be a power cut my life will continue unabated, unlike yourself.

Jaggy said...

Your sex life will cease, unless you have a battery powered laptop to surf for porn.

Inchy said...

Don't talk rubbish, I'll just pop round to your mum's house again.

Steve said...

Quorn is reconstitued non-food stuff... probably the remains of Linda McCartney.

We've been shopping on-line for a couple of months now - pure convenience. How does it compare to reality shopping? Just as annoying, just as expensive but without having to dislocate your coccyx pushing those arsey trolleys around or having screaming kids trying to shoplift the entire chocolate aisle while your back is turned. And some poor sap brings it all straight to your door. I just bung it all straight in the fridge.

Now if only internet porn worked liked that... I'll take the brunette please and I want her delivered between 1 and 3 pm tomorrow afternoon. That would be a sign that the future has arrived...

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

That'll learn ya inchy!
When I had a husband (oh the merry long time ago that was) we always did the shopping together and I ended up having to purchase cans of braised steak and onion, lots of frozen dim sims and stupid things like $12 worth of bacon for his Sunday morning fry-up.

When we got divorced I LOVED to shop and buy things that did not involve dead animals and stuff in cans or stuff that was made of suspect produce.
I bought lots of diet yoghurt's and eggs and rye bread.

I'm going with your partner on this - girls buy better things than boys. The end.

Inchy said...

Wait, wait, wait, I'm not saying I don't like the other stuff (except for Quorn, no way am I fucking touching that), but I'd have preferred some man food in there as well.

Jaggy said...

What exactly is Humus? Is it a staple food like rice, pasta, potatoes and Haggis? Never had it.

I've never had Quorn, if that's really a thing, or is it a brand.

What flavour is feta, is it meat? Sounds ominously like feet.

If that was all that was in the cupboards then I would have to consider going to a shop.

And Sparsely, what exactly is wrong with bacon for breakfast? There's not much else in this world more tasty than bacon.

Anonymous said...

Hi jaggy...I'm quite down with the taste of bacon but the smell of raw bacon and that slimy stuff when you get it from the wrapper, ew! All of my spidey senses have to be at peace with the product and bacon fails on two counts.


Inchy said...

Bacon is the sole reason that I could never be vegetarian.

Mr Bison said...

Sparsely - I'm assuming that based on the smell and slimy stuff cunnilingus fails on the same counts...?

Inchy said...

You definitely cannot buy THAT in Tesco.

Mr Bison said...

No, but I think you can get it at ASDA...