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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Chieftan o' the puddin race


You either love it or loathe it. There is no middle ground.

I spent my entire life being disgusted at the very thought of Scotland's traditional dish, right up until the 12th of June 2004. I was part of the wedding party at my friend Jason's wedding to his lovely wife Jennifer, and being an usher, I was kept pretty busy all day. This meant I didn't get much chance to have food, so when I saw a waitress strolling around the reception with a platter of hors 'douvres I thought salvation had found me:

"What have you got there, little girl?" Says I.

"Just some haggis balls left" says waitress.


"Ok, gimme one" I reply.

5 minutes later I'd scoffed the fucking lot and my love affair with the mighty haggis began. Since then I've become a regular haggis muncher and try my hardest to follow Burns Night tradition and have haggis on or around the 25th of January every year, but it is with some concern that I have discovered that not all the nations of our world unite under the haggis banner. The US, for example, has haggis on the 'banned substances' list and has done since 1989!

You can eat a Chicken McNuggets which contain little or no chicken, but you can't eat haggis, the most organic of foodstuffs?!

Lets just go over the contents of this ambrosia:

1 Set of sheep's heart, lungs and liver (cleaned)
1 sheep or lamb's stomach bag (cleaned)
3 cups finely chopped suet
1 cup medium ground oatmeal
2 medium onions, finely chopped
1 cup beef stock
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon mace (which I thought was something used to incapacitate muggers)

What's not to like?

If you're disgusted at the thought of eating this, then just consider what you're chomping into the next time you order a Whopper meal.


Jaggy said...

You've just broken the spell for our International friends, Blasphemer!

The wild Haggis, or Haggii in a pack, live on the tops of Scottish mountains, and are incredibly difficult to catch on account of them having their 2 right legs shorter that their left legs. Which means they can outpace the fastest of hunters, if the peak is on your right. Unfortunately for the Haggii, man has out-evolved them, and will only pursue him if the peak is on the left. Meaning Mr Haggis is stuffed, quite literally.

Oli said...

I fucking love haggis, and I will be partaking in Burns night down the local this friday.

No im not Scottish, nor am I going to try the usual palava of claiming my grandma's great grandad visited edingburgh once making me 1/8 scottish and so on, which seems to be a fad.

English and proud I am.

But I do love a good piss up.

And haggis.