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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Squeeze, don't pull.

I'm developing a rather bizarre obsession with machine guns. Military spec fully automatic assault weapons to be exact, and strangely, there may be one or two others who share my love of big bad bang sticks. I'm not really sure where this desire came from or why, but it's there alright. Just looking above at the Heckler & Koch HK417 assault rifle with 12" barrel, telescopic sight, night vision adapter, folding bipod and a sound moderator (silencer), is enough to make me feel all wobbly in my gentleman's area. I find myself browsing 'Guns & Ammo' or 'World Guns' muttering to myself "If I win the Lotto, I'm having me one of those!"

Now I like to think of myself as a level headed sort of chap. I play ultra-violent video games and watch a lot of Hollywood action movies, but to date I've violently killed no one. Nada. Zilch. Zero.
I haven't really been in a fight since high school, and I think it's fair to say that I don't really have a bad bone in my body, and wish no harm to anyone. Except maybe Lily Allen, but she's just asking for it. Yet I still have this yearning for the smell of gun oil and the feel of a big weapon in my hands! (Behave)

I don't want to shoot anything alive, just some baked bean tins and Budweiser bottles.
It's not too much to ask.


. . . is it?

5 comments:

sparsely kate said...

Then join the army, inchy boy!! they have lots of guns in their cupboards.
or if not the army, how about the Russian mafia??

Seriously though, I grew up with my Dad's gun rack above my head in the lounge room. He had about five all stacked and used to go out pig shooting with mates every so often. He loved it...looks back on those days with fond memories.
The pigs don't...but Dad does.

Ron, Apparently said...

See Mr. Inchy, it's people like you that should totally be allowed to have guns, just like me. I guaran-fucking-tee that my face is never-ever going to appear on the television as one day having gone bonkers and shot up my neighbourhood/mall/family. I'm just not going to, so why should I have to be denied the pleasure of a man-afternoon shooting with a friend?
If someone breaks into my house, however, all bets are off unless he scarpers as soon as he's told....
If you're ever of the mind to head west, give me a shout and we'll go blow holes in inanimate objects. I might even have my Sig556 by then.

Steve said...

I sense a worrying fetish developing here, Inchy. However, the only good Budweiser bottle is a dead one... so fire away.

Manic Street Preacher said...

gimme one 'n we can go hunt Somalians.... ;-)

4D

Inchy said...

Welcome back, brother.