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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Ooh, Matron! : Part Two

After jumping ship from my old Doctors practice to my new one, I popped in this morning to make an appointment:

"Hello" says I to the receptionist who is the spitting image of the lovely Coleen Nolan. "I registered with you last Wednesday and I was wondering if my medical records had come through yet?"

"Yes, they came through this morning"

"Great, can I make an appointment to see Dr Muircroft then please?"

The moment of truth. Time slows. Everything becomes like Bullet Time in The Matrix. Coleen reaches for the appointment book . . . . . I'm hanging on every syllable that pours like treacle from her perfectly formed tiny Irish lips . . . . .

"How does 9:20am tomorrow morning sound?"

Now at this point, I'm sure I said "I want to impregnate you with my lovechild, fair Coleen, and carry you off on the back of my motorbike to a land where we'll sing 'I'm In The Mood For Dancing' every day", but I think it came out something like "That's fine, I'll take it." Either way, with a bit of luck, my colon should be back to full working order in no time at all! Bring on the curry!

10 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Coleen Nolan? Is that the best you can do??! Dude, you need to raise your standards.

Steve said...

Colon and Coleen... hmm. I'm sensing some kind of weird connection... even if only phonetic.

Inchy said...

Listen Dyckerson, there's nothing wrong with the Nolan sisters, they were like the Spice Girls of the 70's, and Coleen Nolan is a chubby goddess who walks amongst us. When I spoke to her, everything seemed to switch to soft focus, Liz Taylor style. I'll always associate her with my rectum now. Not sure if that's a god or a bad thing.

Roman Empress said...

beware of the half-truths that eminate from Irish lips, Inchy

Inchy said...

Are you speaking from experience, Empress?

captain corky said...

It's probably a good thing that you were able to conrtol yourself, Inchy.

zen wizard said...

That sounds great!

Get as many drugs you can off of this young guy before he becomes an old, jaded geezer who won't give you any drugs--despite the fact that he went to school for seven years to become a professional drug-giver-outer.

Ask him for a bunch of cool samples of stuff, like Viagra.

Full disclosure: I don't know or at least don't remember who Coleen Nolan is, but if she was a hot chick in the Seventies I probably thought about her while I was jerking off at least once.

FOUR DINNERS said...

I find it infinitely depressing that you fancy Colon...Coleen Nolan (unless she is the skinny one who always looked horny to me)

You think her colon is God? Oh eck. You're lost forever.....

Roman Empress said...

Believe me, Inchy, I am

Inchy said...

Oooh, sounds like there's a story in there somewhere. Spill the beans then!