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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Just Say No

Brrring brrring . . .
"Hello?" (me)

"Hello, is that Mr Inch?"


"Hello Mr Inch, this is Debbie from ****** Security, how are you today Sir?"

Ding dong, alarm bell.

"Fine thanks"

"I'm sure you'll agree that there's been a rise in crime figures since the beggining of the recession, yes?"

"I suppose so . . . "

"Well you'll be glad to know that your property has been selected to receive a new alarm and monitoring system from us at absoulutely no charge to yourself!"

"Sorry, already got a house alarm thanks."

"Ah, but that's not a monitoring one that informs the police of a break in, it just makes a noise"

"Yip, and I'm happy with it"

"But we're offering you a free upgrade"

"Well that's very nice, but I'm not interested"
"Can I ask why?"
"I've just told you, I'm happy with the one I've got"
"But this is a free upgrade!"
"Not interested"
"Can I ask why?"

Repeat this last part a further twice.
"I can't believe you're not interested in this totally free offer!?"

"Ok, bye then!"

That's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back, thank you Debbie.


Steve said...

"I can't believe you're not interested in this totally free offer!?"

I'm amazed that these companies think people are that gullible. Everybody on the planet knows there is no such thing as a "totally free offer". Even Satan knows better than to try that line.

Inchy said...

Steve, I couldn't believe the way she spoke to me on the phone. She was like a teenager who'd been told she couldn't go out.

"Why not, why not?!" etc etc

I ended up having to say "Look, I'm just not bloody interested, okay?!" before she took the huff and hung up.
I should have asked how she got my number, given that I'm ex-directory and am on that list thing that says 'NO COLD CALLING'.
That clearly doesn't work.

Ellie said...

Nothing to do with this post. Just came from Missy's Missives because you put the funniest link I've ever seen into her comments box. The Flowbee? What the fuck?

Inchy said...

Ellie, I can see into your soul and I know, I know, that deep down you really really want a Flowbee.

Give in to the dark side, you'll get one on ebay!