My Own Worst Enemy

Some people, it would seem, are simply born to be bullied.
This kid is no doubt thoroughly enjoying himself, he has made over 50 videos of himself and posted them on YouTube after all, but I'd be prepared to bet that they'll come back to bite him in the arse one day.

Having said that, he's got dot.com millionaire written all over him.

There Is No Santa

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Happy Birthday To Me!

2 years.
I can't believe that Punch It Chewie! has made it to the brink of its third year.
We've been through the tentative first kiss, the difficult second album and here we are 730 days later.

During the past two years there have been some ups and some downs, some visitors have come, more have gone, in a hurry usually, but there remains a small but loyal group of you who continue to come back and leave your tupence worth. You're like Herpes, I just can't seem to get rid of you!
I'm only joking, jeez-o, calm down!
Seriously though, thank you.


Now, where are my presents???

Just Say No

Brrring brrring . . .
Click!
"Hello?" (me)

"Hello, is that Mr Inch?"

"Yes"

"Hello Mr Inch, this is Debbie from ****** Security, how are you today Sir?"

Ding dong, alarm bell.

"Fine thanks"

"I'm sure you'll agree that there's been a rise in crime figures since the beggining of the recession, yes?"

"I suppose so . . . "

"Well you'll be glad to know that your property has been selected to receive a new alarm and monitoring system from us at absoulutely no charge to yourself!"

"Sorry, already got a house alarm thanks."

"Ah, but that's not a monitoring one that informs the police of a break in, it just makes a noise"

"Yip, and I'm happy with it"

"But we're offering you a free upgrade"

"Well that's very nice, but I'm not interested"
"Can I ask why?"
"I've just told you, I'm happy with the one I've got"
"But this is a free upgrade!"
"Not interested"
"Can I ask why?"

Repeat this last part a further twice.
"I can't believe you're not interested in this totally free offer!?"

"Believe"
"Ok, bye then!"

That's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back, thank you Debbie.

Watch yer bike for a fiver, mister?

Lance Armstrong in Paisley.

I know, that just doesn't compute!

1. World famous multiple Tour De France winner, global celebrity, sporting legend and all-round top bloke who's made the greatest comeback from the jaws of death since Lazarus.

And

2. Paisley.
Erm . . .


. . . birthplace of Gerard Butler!

Now I don't know if you've ever been in Paisley, but it has no redeeming features. Nope, not one.
It does have a University however, but the disappointment faced by fresh students when they first arrive must lead to a great many drink related suicides.

Much like Lance, I've driven through Paisley with my mountain bike strapped to the roof of my car, but the truth is that you have to drive everywhere at 40mph because the kids can all run at 30 and they'll strip your bike like a chicken dipped in a piranha tank!

I think Paisley is best summed up with an old Scottish joke:

A man parks his luxury Mercedes in a Paisley side street. As he gets out of the car, a young boy shouts:

"I'll watch yer car fur a fiver, mate!"
"No thanks," came the reply with a smirk, "that's what the rottweiler in the back seat's for."
"Oh aye." said the lad, "Is it good at pittin' oot fires?"

PS - Good to see Graeme Obree joining in the fun.

Where's Charlie Fairhead when you need him?!

In my opinion, there is no place on earth that I'd rather fall ill than the good ole' US of A . . .

. . . if I was a multi millionaire that is.

The bile, lies, propaganda, vitriol and general misinformation that I've read, heard and watched over the last week regarding the UK's National Health Service simply beggars belief!

"Ted Kennedy, 77, would not be treated for his brain tumour if he was in Britain because he is too old." – Charles Grassley, Republican senator from Iowa.

"Government health officials in England have decided that $22,750 (£14,000) is what six months' life is worth. Under their socialised system, if a medical treatment costs more, you're out of luck." - Club for Growth

And my own personal favourite:

"People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance if he were British, where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless." - Investors Business Daily

Now I'm not about to launch into a bout of Yank-bashing, although it is extremely tempting, but it strikes me that should you be asked for your opinion on such an important matter as health reform then surely it behooves you to actually read some facts first?
Real facts though, not the made up ones that the American healthcare industry have just randomly invented.

I spent seven years working in the NHS in my mid twenties and I know, not think, know that it's probably the best thing that ANY government that this country has had has ever done, and, like any public service, it's definitely not perfect, but it's pretty damn good nonetheless.
When my father was diagnosed with glioblastoma, a form of brain cancer, in 2007 his treatment began less than a week later. He recieved the best of care that the staff at the Beatson Oncology Centre in Glasgow could give him, and although ultimately unsuccessful, I can't imagine what more could have been done for him.
My mother, throughout the period of time my father was ill, received help, both financial and social care, all from the NHS.
All done as and when my mother and father needed it, not when they could afford it.

According to America's National Coalition on Health Care:

"About 1.5 million families lose their homes to foreclosure every year due to unaffordable medical costs"

and that

"A recent study by Harvard University researchers found that the average out-of-pocket medical debt for those who filed for bankruptcy was $12,000. The study noted that 68 percent of those who filed for bankruptcy had health insurance. In addition, the study found that 50 percent of all bankruptcy filings were partly the result of medical expenses. Every 30 seconds in the United States someone files for bankruptcy in the aftermath of a serious health problem."

As I said earlier, the NHS definitely isn't perfect, but what would YOU rather have, in imperfect service or a flawed one?

Answers on a postcard . . .

They shoot horses, don't they?

"Put him on the game grid!"

Oh happy day!
If you were a fan of the Disney film TRON when you were a kid, and lets face it, who wasn't, then this should float your boat bigtime.
This is the trailer for next years 'Tron Legacy' which looks simply stunning.
Bring on the light cycles!

Check it out here.

Scenes From A Happier Time #3

You can keep your Atari console, because in 1982 I had the coolest games console around, The Vectrex!

The Vectrex saved you the hassle of taking over your parents tv by having a built in screen, and in the early eighties vector graphics were too cool for school!

After a drunken discussion in the pub last week I swore blind that the old girl was in my parents loft, so today, armed with the torch and the ladders, Operation Console Freedom swung smoothly into action.
She may be a bit manky, but the buttons all work, the sound is suitably screechy and the gameplay is still outstanding.
So excuse me, I have asteroids to destroy . . .

Down Boy!

I've been very tired over the last week. Nothing unusual there you might think, but I become even more lazy than normal when I'm tired, at least that's the reason I'm giving for watching nearly two hours of 'Dog The Bounty Hunter' on Sunday.
Now part of me hopes that some of you have seen this show as you'll know where I'm coming from when I say that it is car-crash television of the highest order. The other part of me will be disgusted that you've admitted to being a viewer and I'll therefore form an opinion of you that will probably never be cleansed.

In case you've never seen this show, and I sincerely hope you haven't, let me summarise.
It is loosely described as a "reality" tv series, although clearly an alternate reality at that, based around Duane Lee "Dog" Chapman (above), a Honolulu bounty hunter and a man who can only be described as a cross between Chuck Norris and Peter Stringfellow, who has an unhealthy obsession with Native Americans and God, his wife Beth, a BBW, although in reality she only accomplishes two of the three prerequisites of that term, his sons Leland and Duane Lee and a host of other ingrates and hangers-on.

Now the term 'bounty hunter' conjures up images of muscle-bound action heroes who can take on a whole SWAT team and win, and on first glance Dog would seem to fit that image rather well. Here he is above with his trademark Oakley 'Thumps', his 'rippling' muscles, badge and holsters, which by law are only allowed to be filled with pepper spray and not Desert Eagles.
Unfortunately none of the 'perps' that Dog and his crack team of offspring seem to go after appear to be a threat to peace and quiet, let alone life and limb.
On Sunday's episode they apprehended a woman who was blissfully asleep when Team Dog "took her down" and escorted her bony ass straight back to jail.
Jail though was the least of her worries, for the good Reverend Dog has now taken to pointing out to these hardened criminals, once they are safely ensconced in the tiny space in the back seat of the SUV between him and the humongously breasted Beth, exactly where they have went wrong in life. This seems to have the desired effect on the villainous scum who invariably break down in tears at the realisation that they'll be getting no crack cocaine that evening. They're then comforted by words of wisdom from the mighty Dog who, as he is often keen to point out, has "been there man, and God got me through".

Job done.

I really don't know why people want to see this show, but want they do. Dog was filmed making racist comments in 2007 and the show was axed, only to return in 2008 after, bizarrely, an appeal by black leaders and after Dog had said sorry.

I think the real reason I watched almost two hours of this . . . stuff is that throughout it all I kept reminding myself that no matter how badly my life may or may not have turned out, at least I'm not like Dog The Bounty Hunter.

Happiness is . . .