I am The Stig!

. . . or at least I will be around Christmas next year! SONY has announced that Gran Turismo 5, due out in late 2008, will feature the Top Gear test track as one of its courses.

Superb!

You just know that there's going to be a Virtual Lap leader board in the studio!

Hey Hey! We're the Monkeys!

I'm sorry, I know that someone really has died, but how cool would it be to be

"KILLED BY MONKEYS!"

Delhi's deputy mayor, SS Bajwa, died yesterday as a result of "serious head injuries" after falling from his first-floor terrace while attempting to fight off a pack of wild monkeys.

"Fighting off a pack of wild monkeys!"
How cool is that!

We all have to go sometime, and that's definitely the way I want to go!

Morewood Shova ST

Oh joy of joy! After at least a fortnight of 'humming & hawing' I've finally parted with the cash and ordered myself a new full-sus frame. I had a list of about ten frames I wanted which I whittled down to five, then three, then at last it came down to either a Tomac 'Eli' or a Morewood 'Shova' ST. Both frames are pretty much perfect for what I do, but the Morewood is just that tiny bit more trick looking, with all that CNC'd alloy that I get a hardon over. Plus, I'm probably unlikely to spot another one, which is kinda cool.

To say that I'm fucking beside myself with excitement is an understatement!

I'll put up more pics when it arrives.

Caparo T1

I reckon there's at least 5 seconds off the Top Gear lap record with this thing!

I want one!

USA! USA!

After reading my posts over the last few weeks, you may be forgiven for thinking that I am a wee bit anti-American.

That is SO not true!

I love Jessica Biel.

She's swell.

The Church : Killin' people since the year Zero!

As I was driving home from work last night, I started listening to a fascinating discussion on BBC Radio 5Live regarding whether or not it was right to tell soldiers about to enter battle that there was no need to worry, because they'd be off to "The Afterlife" if they happened to bite a bullet. A bit of a cheek, as religion has been responsible for most wars anyway.

Now this got me thinking. I'm pretty sure that 'God', if he were to exist would probably frown on all the killing that said soldier may, or may not, have done in his career as a professional killer. In fact I think this 'God', whoever he is, was very specific about things like that. I do believe "Thou Shalt Not Kill!" was one of his catchphrases . . . . but no!

I was wrong!!

It turns out that what this 'God' fellow actually said was "Thou Shalt Not Murder!"

That makes it SO much easier to go to war!
Here are some other ways that I've come up with to say the same thing:

1. Thou Shalt Not Kill . . . unless the CIA want a regime change in the Middle East!

2. Thou Shalt Not Kill . . . unless he has more oil reserves than you!

3. Thou Shalt Not Kill . . . unless the other guy really deserved it!

Feel free to add your own!

PS - You may get a small hint from this that I don't believe in 'God', and you'd be correct. I believe in a principle known as 'Occam's Razor'.

"entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem"

This is often paraphrased as:

"All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the right one."

Which sounds more plausible to you?:

A. We were created in 6 days by a big white man who lives in the sky.

Or

B. We are a biological organism, just like any other, that lives, procreates, and dies. Full stop.

Call in your answer on 01 811 8055

Man Stuff

Feast you eyes upon my new paddock stand in all of it's brushed Aluminium and CNC cut alloy glory!
Marvel at the flawless matt-black anodising.
Gasp at the sealed bearing polyurethane wheels.
It could only be the Italians.

A thing of beauty!

Robby Moto Engineering

Jaggy

Kev (the geek-king that I work with) wanted me to put a link to his blog on mine, so here it is, but just for the record, I share none of his extremist views.

Jaggy

My Birthday

Well another year goes by, the sands of time have slipped through my fingers once more, and now I'm 37. Yes, I said 37!
I never thought I'd be this old.
I remember sitting in my Fourth Year Geography class talking to a girl called Tracy Turnbull (who I really fancied, as did almost every other guy at school!) and she had a boyfriend who had a car and was 20! I thought she was dating an old man, and now here I am, 3 years away from 40!

That really fucking hurts!

On the plus side, Carole got me an Aluminium rear paddock stand by RobbyMoto Engineering in Italy. Now that might not sound like much to you, but trust me, it's a CNC machined slice of alloy loveliness!
It should be a God damn ornament!

Thank God for the Americans!

Well I went to see the latest Hollywood blockbuster 'The Kingdom' at the weekend, and whilst I enjoyed it, I couldn't help but notice that the underlying theme of the whole movie is that all people in the middle east are incompetent murdering terrorist peasants, and Americans are better than them.

Now I'm sure that Hollywood views this as a gritty, socially relevant, drama, but my girlfriend's dad works in the middle east, and if I were him, I'd be walking around all day in my kilt wearing a t shirt that says "I AM NOT AMERICAN!"

Norick Abe

Well it looks like there's another name to add to The Hall Of Legends, Norifumi 'Norick' Abe was killed this week. That's WAY too many heroes gone this year. No more please.

The Greatest . . .

. . . Ever Movie Car Chase.

Thanks to Top Gear magazine, I found myself hunting through my DVD collection this afternoon, and watching the 1968 cop thriller "Bullitt" starring Steve McQueen. A film that features, unquestionably, the greatest car chase ever filmed.
I think it's the greatest for a number of reasons:

1. It's Steve McQueen, for God's sake! The coolest man to ever walk this earth, and the driver for most of the filming. A true petrolhead, McQueen was considered by many in the world of motorsport, on both 2 and 4 wheels, to be extremely talented.

2. The 1968 Ford Mustang G.T.390 Fastback is one of the coolest cars ever made, and the bad guy's 1968 Dodge Charger R/T 440 Magnum ain't too shabby either.

3. Soundtrack. As the build up to the chase begins, so does the music, but when Baddie No1 nails that 375BHP throttle, the music stops, and you're left with nothing but V8's and tyre squeal. 9 minutes and 42 seconds of magic.

The film is SO highly regarded by Ford, that every single variant of it's Mustang built from 1968 onwards, has been - and still is - available in a special "Bullitt" livery of black leather interior, dark grey wheels, and 'Highland Green' paint.

Sit back, turn the volume up, and enjoy.

There IS a God!

As I sit here, spitting bright green phlegm into a bucket, I find myself drawn into the world of internet news channels, and lo and behold, Britney has lost custody of her children!

Pause for irony . . . .



. . . carry on.

This is surely another example of the evolution of Man. In recent months, we've had Paris Hilton thrown in jail, Lindsey Lohan sacked by her employers, and now Miss Spears losing custody of her boys. All day-glo examples that we're finally growing tired of 'celebrities' having things their own way.

I've got my fingers crossed that a suicide bid, successful or otherwise, is just around the corner!

"Remember to get your whole mouth over the shotgun, Britney!"

Fanzone.

Hands up if you love SKY Sports?

Heroes

No, not the BBC2 TV series, I mean real ones. My ones.
It's been a tough old decade for a select group of men. Sportsmen, actors, musicians, who have, at some point, made me think "Legend".

Steve Hislop, Stuart Adamson, Richard Burns, Michael Hutchence, David Jeffries, all gone, but now I have to add Colin McRae to that list. I remember 1995 very well, the year he became world champion. I videotaped every round of the World Rally Championship that year, still have them too.

At some level, I always knew that the motorbike guys were taking their life in their hands racing at places like the Isle of Man, but even though Rallying is a dangerous motorsport, Colin McRae always seemed indestructible to me.
I really didn't need to be proved wrong.

Soraidh leat, Colin.

Is it just me . . . .

. . . or is there something wrong with this photo?

I'll give you a clue, there's a red ring around it.

Yes, it's the 'serving suggestion' part.

Now pizza has been with us since the 50's when the Americans brought it over from The States along with other homegrown treats such as noodles, Guinness, and haggis. So it strikes me as odd that a frozen pizza would require a suggestion on how to serve it. What do they think we're doing with it?

Sticking it on a roll?

Boiling it to make soup?

Freezing it and topping it with hundreds & thousands?

Thar she blows!

This is astonishing!
In a list of 1000 reasons for crashing your car, I bet no one has tried this one!
Just watch it.

Balls.

Balls.

Most companies have a distinct lack of them, some companies have them but never use them, and some companies dangle a huge set of balls you never knew they had!

One such company is Vauxhall. To most people, Vauxhall means cheap, small, slightly crap, shit-box hatchbacks and the rep's favourite, the Vectra.

Imagine getting your girlfriend to drop you off at the local dealer in her three cylinder Corsa, and then following you home in your 540bhp VXR8!

540bhp!

Yes, you can stroll into your local Vauxhall dealer, chat about the merits of a diesel Astra, then calmly walk off in a 6 litre supercharged V8 monster saloon!

I know it's just an imported Holden, but it's cool all the same!

In the words of Aretha Franklin . . .

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Money talks, bullshit walks!

Today I had a job interview with the mighty Walmart group at their facility in Falkirk.
Everything was going well until we got the factory tour. One of the 'colleague candidates' was a woman, one of the 'mumsy' type who did nothing but try to be chatty and friendly towards everyone. I wanted to kill her. Within the first minute of meeting her I knew she had 3 kids, her husband (Barry) was a policeman, and that her dog had to get put down on Monday. I bet Barry must be jealous of the dog!

To cut a long story short, I totally aced the interview. I know that makes me sound arrogant, but I just know I did, I'm good at that sort of shit. The chap who interviewed me was around my age, travels about the same distance to work as I do, liked live music gigs like me also, so straight away I could appear relaxed and open with him, talk freely without babbling, etc etc. I'll get a call in a couple of days telling me they want me to start.

Not going to though. The place is spotless, very hi-tech, interesting, and local, but the money is totally shite! I make more now than I would on their highest rate of pay including shift allowance. I'd need to do loads of overtime to make what I make on my basic pay, and as they say "Show me the money!"

That's that idea fecked!

The Sum Of All Fears!

Picture the scene. I shut the front door behind me, lock it, get out my car keys, jump over the wall outside my house, and then I hear it . . . . SSKRSSSSHHH!

I look down.

The iPod that was in my pocket is on the pavement.

In a million pieces.

Option 1 - Panic.
Option 2 - Scream.
Option 3 - Gingerly pick up the pieces, phone your mate to say you won't be coming over after all, get out the tweezers and pray.
Option 4 - All of the above

I went for option 4. Luckily, thanks to my technical skills, I managed to revive the patient, just like Dr House.

(PS - That's not a pic of my actual iPod, but it gets the idea accross)

(PPS - The head is fine today, by the way. Thanks for your concern)