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Monday, September 22, 2008

Firsts: A Brief History Of Me

It's amazing what you can find whilst rummaging around in your parents attic. Some of these photographs haven't seen the light of day for at least twenty years, so lets start at the beginning.

First Memory: Meeting my sister

I was 3 and a half when my sister arrived in the world and my earliest memory in life is getting in a taxi with my father to go pick her and my mother up from the local hospital. I'd just like to add that I have no idea what my father's hair is doing in this photo.

First Girlfriend: Leanne

Her father and my father are best friends so we were forced together at an early age. We dated briefly in the 70's, for about ten minutes, but then we drifted apart. She got Lego and I got a tricycle.
We're still friends and bump into each other now and then, but thankfully photographs like this one don't get mentioned anymore.

First bath

Common practice round our way was to be bathed in the kitchen sink instead of the bath.
Nowhere near as much fun when you're fifteen.

First school photo

I was a gorgeous kid . . .

. . . for a short while!

First friend: Finnie

Finnie and I lived next door to each other and we grew up together. We played and we fought like boys do and we're still good friends. We don't see each other as much nowadays, we both headed off to do our own things in our twenties, but when we do it's just like it was back when a sheet of polythene and some soapy water was more fun than any Playstation.
He had a heart attack a few months ago which scared the shit out of me. I'll still take the piss out of him next time I see him though.

First book: 'Conrad's War' by Andrew Davies

My mother forced me to read from a very early age. It didn't matter what, she would make me read everything from The People's Friend to Oor Wullie, and on one particular occasion, the Haynes Workshop Manual for a 1976 Hillman Hunter, but this was the first novel that I ever read way back in 1978.
I must have read this book at least 10 times and it always brings a smile to my face. If you have a little boy with a novel-shaped hole in his life, then this should fit the bill nicely. Still funny, still inventive and where it all started for me.

First album: 'Crepes & Drapes' by Showaddywaddy (1979)

If you can't get up and shake your ass to 'Sea Cruise' then you're dead inside.

First gig: Bryan Adams, Glasgow SECC (1987)

Pock-faced Canadian rocker Bryan Adams was my guide into the world of live music way back in 1987. My friend, Fat Nappies, had a spare ticket, but the memory I'll always have is of the support band T'Pau and the camel's toe that their lead singer Carol Decker sported in her black satin ski pants!

First pet: Bonnie, the three legged wonder dog

Wee dog versus small car = three legged mutt. Not that it ever slowed her down, she could hold her own with some of the other dogs in the street . . . for about 30 seconds.
I had other pets before, fish mostly and a single canary that nearly killed me, but this was the first one that could fetch a ball.

Well that'll do it for now. Stay tuned for another exciting window to my soul soon . . . or not, as the case may be.


Jaggy said...

You still wear that tank top.

Steve said...

Oh my God. Baths in the sink. Conrad's War. Been there and done both of those. and I had your dad's hair when I was a teenager. I'm practically you!

Do I need therapy?

Inchy said...

Steve, I think you've been needing some therapy since your Lego O.C.D. reared its ugly head.

Incidentaly, does Bionicle count as Lego?

Löst Jimmy said...

A fantastic post Inchy

I 'mind the People's Friend too with its watercolour imagery of touns on the frontpage. As for Oor Wullie, well it is obligatory for bairn or adult alike.

Roman Empress said...

Aw! Bit old for your first bath though, weren't ya?

Inchy said...

Jimmy - Oor Wullie is a bit like the TV show Night Rider. Whenever you see an episode, it's always one that you haven't seen before.

Empress - Don't knock it. I grew up in a Scottish gulag where hot water was handed up through the family. My sister would have a bath, then me, so on and so on until the water would be no more than a cloudy tepid soup, then dad would get it.

Andrew Glazebrook said...

I think everyone has a family photo taken on that setee ! And the picture holding onto a small girl who looks disturbed,and the picture in the sink ! You can't do that now otherwise the cops come round and the neighbours spray NONCE on the front of your house !
Anyway I had a hard life as a kid as this picture shows ! :)

Inchy said...

Andrew - 36 years later and she still looks disturbed whenever I meet her.

Maybe there's a message in there.

Roman Empress said...

Are you as handsome now as you were as a boy? If so


Inchy said...

Empress - I don't like to blow my own trumpet, but I am absolutely fucking gorgeous. I look like every single cover of 'Men's Health' magazine.

Roman Empress said...

JPEGZ OR shurrup.

Inchy said...

Ok, here's a recent one of me.

Roman Empress said...

I knew it! Pretty boys like that, grow up to be monsters.
Aw, those little red shoes in the top pic are sooo cutesy. Hehe.

Inchy said...

Bloody hell, woman! A monster?!

I think that's a wee bit harsh!

...but I have to say that I definitely was a cute child.

Inchy said...

Ok ok, I'm 4th in from the right.

Roman Empress said...

Ay, still that same spirit. You look like my cousin Daniel, who I have to say was a supremely cute baby too.

Inchy said...

It's a cross that handsome men like Daniel and myself must bear.

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve said...

I'm not a fan of Bionicle but my son is and he maintains that it is Lego - a Lego Technic derivative. I'm going to concur with his opinion as I occasionally let him have valid opinions about such things.

And it's not Lego OCD. I could stop. If I wanted to.

Inchy said...

Methinks you're in that Egyptian river, Steve.


Anonymous said...

you ugly bastard

Inchy said...

That's not what your wife said, Charlie.

Anonymous said...

If I ever acquire a wife, feel free to shag her all you want, inchy old bean. So long as you keep the frogman outfit on.

Inchy said...

That's what I like to hear, Charlie, the old Dunkirk spirit!

We need more like you.

EmmaK said...

I adore you. You are such a cute kid

Inchy said...

Well said, yummy mummy.

Rol said...

Oh yes, Carol Decker. I learned a lot from Carol Decker and her far too short skirts.

I've had a thing for redheads ever since.