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Thursday, November 06, 2008


As you can see, I don't have much of it.
In fact, I often consider taking an open bladed razor and getting rid of what's left of it, but The Demon has told me that a separation will swiftly follow. Apparently another tattoo would illicit the same response also.

I digress.
I always had thin hair and started to go bald in my late teens, but once I reached my late twenties the progression of my forehead seemed to stop and I've been the same level of "baldiness" since then, I just cut it shorter now.

It used to be such a big deal, the one thing I hated about myself, that I'd change if I could, but one morning I woke up and realised that I'd been a bit of a tit.
My friends weren't my friends because of my hair, the girls I'd shared 'moments' with didn't warp my fragile little mind because I had a cool hairstyle covering it, no one cared except me, so I immediately bought a set of clippers, stuck the shortest guage on the end of them, and shaved the whole lot off.
The relief was immeasurable.
The only thing worse than going bald is pretending you're not.

Nowadays I love having my hair as short as possible, it's just SO convenient and easy to live with. I wake up in the morning and hay presto, I'm ready to go. No faffing about with product.
A quick once over once a week and the job's done.


In the last two or three years my body has exploded in a hair growing frenzy the likes of which I haven't seen since my plums dropped way back when Bon Jovi were still 'Livin' On A Prayer'.

My ears, the back of my hands, my nostrils, one eyebrow, the mole on the back of my neck, and especially my fucking big toes, all have hairs sprouting from them like something from An American Werewolf In London.
I'm not sure what forces of nature I'm supposed to confront in my late thirties that would necessitate such follicle over production, but it's good to know I'm covered should the event take place. My big toes alone look like Nigel Mansell's eybrows have somehow been grafted onto them.

Damn you pituitary gland, get your house in order!


Steve said...

Ah. Testosterone is great isn't it? I too have hairy toes, fingers, shoulders... in fact the only part of me that doesn't have hair is the area around my lower ribs, kidneys, the backs of my knees and the underside of my feet. I just take it as a sign of incredible vitality and virility... and an indication that I'll never risk going nude on a beach in case I'm rounded up by the dog warden...

Zen Wizard said...

For a brief shining moment in 1981--that is, the release party for Phil Collins' "Face Value"--that hairstyle could have gotten you laid.

I don't think ear hair, etc. has ever been cool. But I will ask Vic Tayback the next time I see him.

Misssy M said...

The seventies must have been the worst time be a balding bloke i reckon. it was the era of the comb over, the era of the mullet and David Essex.

Unfortunately it's now the era of waxing..but don't be tempted. My brother in law is an extremely hairy man and got his back and chest waxed for his honeymoon (it was not a gay wedding by the way, his sack and crack were left intact). A rash so violent and angry ensued and he had to keep his shirt on the whole two weeks.

Inchy said...

Steve - It's a nightmare for sure. I'm lucky that my shoulders and back are relatively hair free, but the nipples could do with a trim right now.
Have I gone too far?

Zen - If I was getting laid in 1981 at the age of 11, then my hairstyle at the time would have been the least of my worries!

Misssy - When I say I "give myself a gauge 1" I do mean all over, so I'm no stranger to the world of skin irritability.

Zen Wizard said...

Yes if it was with your hott teacher you would have gotten a good grade.

And she would have already been paroled by now (however she might be an old skag.)

Oh never mind...

Inchy said...

I did have one hot teacher, unfortunately she only liked other girls to tend her lady garden.
I do like a challenge though.

Groanin' Jock said...

As soon as mine starts falling out, I'll be taking the clippers to it. At the moment, it's going grey, not in one spectacular silvering of the whole head, but in one big clump at the front and in salt and pepper streaks at the sides. I'll look like a skunk in a year or two.

Inchy said...

Jock - Just tell people you've been painting the kitchen, that's what Jaggy does.

Löst Jimmy said...

I miss my hair, I once had locks that would have been the envy of Samson but in reality it was at it best for but a few years as already the bare spot was beginning to spread....what was left had to go.

By the way, finally my attempt at the blog meme is up.