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Monday, July 27, 2009

The Enforcer

We've all been there.
You're on the motorway. In the distance you can see that the outside lane is about to close, cars are merging into the inside lane, left hand indicators flashing, but there are always some 'individuals' who elect to hold off on joining the inside lane as long as possible. They shoot off at full speed hoping that some kind hearted soul will let them in, which invariably they do.
I hate these people . . .

. . . but not as much as The Enforcer.
You've seen The Enforcer.
Some of you may even be The Enforcer.
This hero has decided that he has to make a stand for the common man, for the man in the street, for Joe 'Goddammit' Average, his wife and his 2.4.
Quite often The Enforcer will be found behind the wheel of a large automobile (isn't that from a song?) but his natural weapon of choice is the HGV.
This afternoon he was in a rather nice black 2002 BMW 535i Sport, and I had the misfortune to be his chosen sidekick.
He pulls alongside me with easily half a mile to go until the lane he's in closes and matches speed with the Vengabus, at which point he glances in my direction and gives an almost imperceptible nod, but I saw it.
I saw it and I know what it meant.

"Yes, I, The Equalizer, have controlled the flow of traffic, my young apprentice. I have taken my ex company car that I bought at trade price when my manager received his new E-Class upgrade and I have placed it where no Vectra dares to go, and all for you, my young friend. No longer will you have to suffer the indignity of being overtaken by cars that will surely be allowed to join the queue ahead of you. I say to them 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' "

I hate this old man and I despise his wife who smiles beatifically at me from the passengers seat.
I can't stand his thought process that has given him the belief that I somehow care that a handful of cars have overtaken me and that I'm crying out for some bus pass wielding Road Warrior to jump to my rescue.
For the past 8 years I've driven 40 miles to work and 40 miles back again and if I've learned one thing it's that a successful car commute is all about chilling out and that we all get home at roughly the same time, no matter how fast we drive.

Ok, that's 2 things actually, but lets be clear, we don't need another hero.


Steve said...

There is nothing more annoying than having a control freak take control of the, frankly, uncontrollable. Where are these guys when you're about to have a car accident? Do they intervene then? Place themselves in the way? They could at least do something useful like die for the benefit of the rest of us.

Löst Jimmy said...

I've got to bow down to the Max and Goose photo...never mind the control freaks on the tarmac...just say, "see you on the road skag!"