Arse

. . . quite literally.

Now I know that my arse is the last thing that you need to be feasting your eyes on, dear reader, but you're welcome to share my pain.
As some of you may know, mountain biking is my 'thing'. I love it, I love watching it, I love doing it and love being a typical bloke and memorising the most boringly catatonia-inducing facts and statistics. What I don't in any way enjoy however is pain.
The large bruise that you can see on my right butt cheek was sustained approximately 9 hours ago when myself and the rest of the Restless Natives decided that we'd try Innerleithen's renowned national standard downhill run. Approximately 30 seconds into the run I realised that I had completely run out of talent and that the imminent accident was going to hurt . . . which it did.

Landing on your arse at speed. It's not pretty. I think I actually made up a few swear words.

See below for a lesson on how to do it right.