BLASPHEMER!

I love a bit of controversy, I really do. I love it when some scientist states that he's found a clue to the secret of creation, only for some hard-of-thinking, right wing, anti-choice zealot to decry him as a 'blasphemer' or possibly the more colourful 'infidel', so it was with some anticipation that The Demon and I headed off to see 'Angels & Demons' last night.
Like everyone else on planet Earth, I'd read 'The Da Vinci Code' and I thought it was ok. No more, no less, just 'not bad'. The film however, was pretty poor. It lost a lot of the excitement and pace that the novel had, and unfortunately featured Tom Hanks, an actor that is the personification of the word beige. 'Angels & Demons' compounds this casting faux pas by including my other least favourite actor of the modern era, Ewan McGregor, as some bizarrely accented Irish/Scottish/Italian stem cell hybrid catholic priest. Honestly, there is so much blandness when they are on screen together that I almost joined the Liberal Democrat party there and then.
None of this, however, detracts from what is a pretty damn good murder mystery, possibly because I gave the novel a wide berth and didn't know the twist at the ending.
What is sadly lacking is the dogma debunking of 'The Da Vinci Code', and whilst The Vatican refused to allow filming in any of their churches, I was hoping for a bit more of an uppercut than "Faith is a gift I've yet to enjoy" dribbled lifelessly from Hanks' expressionless lips.

Come on Ron Howard*, you've got bigger balls than that!

7/10


*...and a fit daughter.

Cassandra's Dream

Here's what Wikipedia has to say about Woody Allen:

Woody Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg) is an American film director, actor, writer, jazz musician, comedian and playwright. Allen's distinctive films, which run the gamut from intense dramas to screwball sex comedies, have made him one of the most respected living American directors.

Not in my house he ain't.
Whilst the above may all be true, after viewing his latest offering, Cassandra's Dream, perhaps he should now focus on playing the clarinet, and leave the film writing and directing to those who are actually any good at it.
The plot concerns two brothers, Ian (Ewan McGregor) and Terry (Colin Farrell) both of whom have their own dire money worries. They decide to seek help from rich Uncle Howard (Tom Wilkinson) who agrees to bail them out, but in return they have to kill someone. The rest of the film then tracks the two brothers differing reactions to what they have become. Ian is content with his crime, but Terry is plagued by inner demons. The film also follows Ian's relationship with his new and exotic girlfriend, a relationship that contributes not one iota to the story or plot!

It's shite. No point beating around the bush, it's just shite. This film sucks more than a $10 hooker. It's slower than a week in jail and seems to take forever to get moving, but by far and away the worst perpetrator in this cinematic crime is Ewan McGregor. I've now come to the conclusion that he's just not a very good actor.
I like the guy, but he was acted off the screen by Colin Farrell, and that's saying something! Perhaps he might want to stick to riding his motorbike around the planet..
The film eventually lurches from one tried & trusted cinema cliche to the next and ends up at it's entirely predictable ending. Thank God/Allah/Buddah/The Force.

I should have stayed at home and watched a CSI.

3/10